


Being CJ Concannon

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: New York, New York [10]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the time came for her to leave this Earth, CJ wanted no confusion...she would spend her afterlife with Leo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being CJ Concannon

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I would never write another CJ/Danny but this one wouldn't go away until I wrote it down. In the process of writing it nothing turned out as I thought, and the story pretty much wrote itself.

"I have a question for you." 

"Hmm?" 

It was a warm late May morning and CJ was curled around Danny. The covers had long since gone and they were in the blissful afterglow of two rounds of passionate lovemaking. Danny didn't say it aloud but he would definitely need an Icy Hot patch for his back. He had no idea where this woman got her stamina. 

"How come we never sleep in your room?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"The question is self explanatory." 

"I don't know." 

"You do." 

"Do I? Well, it sounds like you certainly do so why don't you answer your own question." 

CJ was still too flushed to sound as defensive as she felt. She had actually felt this fight coming for about two weeks. 

"Because it's Leo's room." Danny said. 

"That doesn't make any sense." 

"It's the same reason most of his clothes still hang in the closet and his jewelry and toiletries still sit on the dresser. It's the reason the study is still filled with his things and I have to cram all of my work into a teenager's desk." 

"Buy a new desk Danny." Was CJ's lame response. 

"Buy a new desk. That's your answer Claudia Jean. See you don't even like when I call you that. And God forbid I ever slip up and call you baby. I feel like I'm living Leo McGarry's life; renting it for a little while until he gets back." 

"You were the one who insisted on putting up the painting." 

"Uh uh, don't even try it. That's a 30th anniversary gift and it doesn't bother me in the least. Its apples and oranges. All I'm saying is that I could really use the study and maybe one morning I would love to wake to a nice view of Central Park and not the kinky neighbors' window." 

"Fine." 

"Fine?" 

"Yep. I need coffee." 

CJ got out bed, dressing in Danny's sweats without looking at him. 

"Damn, you are beautiful in my clothes." 

She leaned and kissed him. 

"I love you Danny Concannon. Do you want coffee?" 

"Sure. I going to shower and walk the dog." 

CJ put on a smile and left the room. It had been a year and a half since CJ and Danny started their relationship, three years since she lost Leo. Things had been going well for the couple, though Danny had been putting on the squeeze lately. Maybe he was right; CJ could not say he was wrong. She also couldn't say she would ever get rid of Leo's things. There had to be a happy medium and she would try to find it. 

***

"He's pressuring me." 

"How so?" Nora and Donna asked in unison. 

They were in their twice-weekly yoga class, stretching themselves like pretzels. CJ loved the feeling of being so limber-it did wonders for her renewed sex life. 

"He wants to know when I'm going to clean out the study, or get rid of Leo's things. He wants to know why he can't sleep in our bed." 

"Do you hear yourself sweetie?" Nora asked. 

"Our bed." Donna finished. 

"It is our bed." 

"Then get a new one." Donna replied. "Now is as good a time as any to do that and to give the clothes to Goodwill. Why are you holding on to them?" 

"I'm not! Well, I don't know. I still spray the bed with his cologne. I still want to smell him." 

"CJ, that sounds a little insane." Donna said. 

"I can't fault you that." Nora said. "Is that why you don't want Danny in your bed-you don't want him to know that?" 

"Honestly, it is my bed with Leo. It is stubborn and maybe even stupid but it's true. And hey, you only think it's insane because you wake up next to your husband every morning." 

"Maybe you aren't ready to be in a relationship with someone else." 

"But I love him Donna. I do." 

"CJ, you want your bed to smell like your dead husband when you have a live man down the hall. I don't think you're ready." 

"The house still looks like Leo's house." Nora said. "Maybe you should redecorate; paint and get some new furniture." 

"But-" CJ didn't know what to say. "Oh God, maybe I'm not ready. This is the first time I'm admitting it but I cannot throw away his stuff." 

"Its just stuff." Donna replied. "Leo is still in your heart, which is the most important place." 

"That's bullshit. The most important place is by my side." She started to cry. "I need a minute; excuse me." 

She rushed out of the room. Donna and Nora gathered up their mats and followed. 

"I didn't know it was this bad." Nora put her arm around her. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I didn't know either." CJ sniffled, wiping her eyes. 

"You need to talk to Danny." Donna said. 

"I don't want to fight. I really do love him, it just isn't the same." 

"You cannot expect it to be. You spent 30 years with Leo. Danny has to be flexible and understanding. At the same time, you have to begin the healing process. Let's pack up his clothes this weekend honey. We'll pack them up this weekend." 

CJ nodded, taking a deep breath. She could do that. They might come in handy for a short man down on his luck. He was not coming back for them. 

***

"Do you want dinner?" Danny called from the kitchen. 

He was in there putzing around with the dog. CJ relaxed on the couch reading _Vanity Fair_ while listening to Marc Cohn. She had just talked to Charlie. She would bring CJ's granddaughter, 11-month-old Leah over on Saturday to help clean. CJ told her about her father's name request but it was ignored. 

"No, I'm OK." 

Danny came and stood in the doorway. 

"You haven't eaten all day." 

"I had lunch after yoga. I'm not hungry; maybe I'll have something later." 

"Are you alright?" 

"Yes." 

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" 

"Of course I would. Why would you ask me that; are you trying to pick a fight?" 

"No. Something is wrong and you are not telling me what it is." 

"No Danny, nothing is wrong." 

"I thought it was a good idea to go back to work CJ. I missed it." 

Danny returned to work in January at CNN. 

"I told you if that was what you wanted then I was giving my full support. I got used to having you around and I will get used to you going back at work. I'm just not hungry Danny, OK?" 

"OK." 

He went back to the kitchen and CJ went back to her magazine. After a few minutes, she threw it down and went into the kitchen. Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she let out a long sigh and rested her chin on his shoulder. 

"So, you are hungry?" 

"No. I just wanted to give you a hug." 

"OK. Things have been-weird lately." 

"I cannot deny that." 

"Um, I think it might be beneficial to the both of us if I move out." 

"What?" 

CJ pulled away and Danny turned around. 

"I think you need this space for yourself CJ. I don't want to be a boarder in Leo's house." 

"Stop making negative comments about Leo please." She replied. 

"What are you talking about? I would never do that." 

"It is always about Leo. Every time things don't go right with us you blame Leo." 

"I don't do that. It's just obvious that you're not ready to let go." 

"He is my husband!" CJ exclaimed. 

Danny took a deep breath, placing his hands on her shoulders. 

"Was. He died three years ago." 

"He will always be my husband Danny." 

"Yeah, I figured as much. There is no use in my asking you to marry me-you're CJ McGarry." 

"Marry you?" 

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you CJ. I love you and neither one of us is young anymore. But it's never going to happen." 

CJ didn't know what to say. She looked down at the four-carat ring Leo gave her on their 20th anniversary, and her platinum wedding band. She was never taking them off. No matter how many clothes she gave away or papers she put in boxes she would always be Mrs. Leo McGarry. 

"Danny-" 

"Don't. I'm hungry as hell and I just want to eat. I'll look for a place in the next couple of weeks." 

"Fine. Do what you need to do Danny." 

She walked out of the kitchen and up to her bedroom. 

***

"I'm here. Hey mom; hi Nora." 

Charlie came in with baby Leah. She greeted her mother and godmother before asking for a cigarette. She joined them at the kitchen table. 

"You're not smoking around her too much are you?" CJ asked, pulling the carryall over to her. 

"Of course not. Leah has big healthy lungs that she uses to cry as often as possible." 

"Still?" Nora asked, sipping her coffee. 

"She is a lot better now. Brendan has her eating out of the palm of his hand." 

"Sounds like Karenna. I know all about raising a daddy's girl." 

Leah just babbled in her carry all, chewing on her pacifier. She would be a year old next month and CJ still wondered how she blinked and became a grandmother. Leo would be in love with this little girl-he should be here for this. 

"Is Donna going to help out today?" Charlie asked, grabbing a bottle of cranapple juice from the fridge. "Where's Danny?" 

"Donna and Amanda are doing the mother-daughter thing." Nora said. 

"I don't know where Danny is. Apartment hunting maybe." 

"What? What's going on?" 

"He's going to get his own apartment. He doesn't want to live in Leo's house anymore." CJ said. 

Charlie took a deep breath. 

"Maybe its better mom." 

"Why would you say that?" 

"Mom, this is daddy's house; Danny is right. As roommates, it was fine. As something more he may need his own space to grow. Whatever you two have, and it is none of my business, cannot possibly grow under daddy's roof." 

"I never really thought of it that way." Nora said. "Who told you you were allowed to grow up and be right about things?" 

Charlie smiled. 

"I think he just doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't had sex all week." 

"TMI mom." Charlie replied, laughing. 

CJ smiled. 

"He's breaking up with me and I just wish he would get it over with." 

"If you want it, do it CJ." Nora said. "Since when do you wait for the guillotine to slice your head off? C'mon, let's clean up your room. Did you get the boxes?" 

"Yeah. I really want to thank you guys for helping. This is going to take a while-Leo and I lived together in this house for 15 years. I need to do this today-I need to take this first step." 

***

CJ was alone when Danny came in at nine. She was in the bedroom writing. She talked to Greg Brock late in the afternoon and she finally decided to write the memoir. Part political drama, part love story; he said it would fly off the shelves. America still cared about CJ McGarry. She was not entirely sure of that but would take his word for it. 

"You trying to add more awards to the shelf where you keep those Pulitzers?" she asked him with a laugh. 

"Whatever Claudia Jean. I should be mad at you for picking Concannon over me." 

"Oh yeah right. Have lunch with me on Monday?" 

"I can't think of anything I'm doing to top that." Greg replied. "How about for the title, Mrs. Vice-President." 

"Get off my phone Gregory." She said laughing. 

"Bye Claudia Jean." 

"Bye." 

"Hey there." 

CJ looked up from her notebook but didn't smile. 

"Long day?" she asked. 

"Yeah. I think it is a shower and then bed." 

"It's barely nine o'clock Danny. I thought we could watch _Brokeback Mountain_." 

"I'm not young anymore. What are you working on?" 

"Just writing. Greg and I are going to do the memoir. He finally broke me down." 

"Greg?" 

"Greg Brock." 

"I know who he is. I didn't know you two were-whatever." 

"We have been friends forever and he was there for most of it. You knew we are good friends. With Leo and Jed both gone I think its time to let a lot of it out. It will be cathartic." 

"Maybe it will be." He replied. 

CJ shrugged, shook her head, and went back to her notebook. She was not in the mood to argue. When had that become something they did regularly? 

"I think we should have dinner out tomorrow." 

Danny said it almost as an afterthought. _So_ , CJ thought, _he will dump me in public. Bravo Concannon._

"I'd like that." 

"I called Nora to invite her and Toby but they have plans." 

"His niece is having an engagement party. He is going under duress. So, just the two of us, huh?" 

"Yeah. OK, I gotta shower." 

"OK." 

He sighed and left the room. CJ looked after him, willing the tears not to fall. He was slipping right out of her hands and she had no idea how to hold onto him. She did not want to be alone, but was that the only reason? She told Danny she loved him, but did she? Could she ever truly love any man but Leo? When he talked marriage earlier in the week her stomach dropped and her head started to pound. That was not something she wanted. When the time came for her to leave this Earth, CJ wanted no confusion-she would spend her afterlife with Leo. 

However, he made her promise not to live the rest of her life as she was waiting to die and be with him. Danny used to make her feel good; make her laugh. They liked to bicker and eat good food. The sex was good, not as good as it had been with Leo, but that was no one's fault. He loved her. The man would lie down and die if she asked him to. Didn't she owe him more? Whoa, hold up, love had nothing to do with owing anyone anything. 

Why couldn't she work all of this out in her mind? This was going to be something that she had to talk about with others. CJ really didn't want that but this was going nowhere but downhill fast. Every time the whole family got involved things deteriorated. She would have to consult the least biased member and then talk to everyone else. Taking a deep breath, CJ picked up the phone and dialed. 

"Hello." 

"Senator Sparky, how ya doing sweetie?" 

Charlie laughed. 

"Hey CJ. I'm here trying to overthrow the government. Where are you when I need you?" 

"Same ole, same ole, here in New York City. How are Zoey and the kids? When can I expect a visit?" 

"Definitely soon. I love to be in Manhattan during the summer recess. You know Josh and I are working hard to have the scholarship set up in Leo's name for the spring semester at the University of Chicago law school. And I've been hearing rumors that someone may be writing a memoir." 

"I'm going to do it; its time. That's what I called to talk about, kind of." 

"What's the matter?" 

"Oh Spartacus, things have gotten really crazy." 

***

CJ climbed into bed with Danny a little after midnight. He was only half-asleep, Winston at his side just as he had been at Leo's. 

"Wha-?" 

"It's just me." She whispered, sliding her body close to his. 

Danny wrapped his arms around her, a small smile crossing his lips when he realized she wasn't wearing any clothing. 

"Have you come to play seductress?" he asked drowsily. 

"We haven't slept together in a week." 

"It is easier for you to sneak into my room than it is for me to sneak into yours." 

CJ didn't quite know how to respond to that. 

"Danny, it hurts my feelings when you say things like that." 

He turned to look at her, caressing her face. 

"I never, ever want to hurt your feelings. Still, I feel what I feel too and I have to work through some things." 

"I understand. OK, I don't really understand." 

"What don't you understand?" he asked. 

"Everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn't." 

"I want more. I want more than your body CJ and you know that. I told you that from the beginning." 

"But you want something from 30 years ago. You want Press Secretary CJ and I'm not that woman anymore. I wasn't even that woman when you thought I was." 

"So I guess we both have some things to work through." Danny replied. "It is not going to work for us if I stay. I don't want to be Leo's replacement. I want to mean something to you." 

"How can you think that you don't? I owe you-oh God, nevermind." 

"What? What were you going to say?" 

"Nevermind." 

She sat up in bed, reaching around the dark room for her robe. 

"CJ, don't go. Talk to me." 

She began to shake her head and he knew she was crying. 

"I'll just say the wrong thing-maybe that's all there is to say. Goodnight Danny." 

"I would like it better if you stayed." He replied. 

"We should get used to sleeping in separate beds." She said before leaving the room. 

***

"How's Danny doing?" Greg asked. 

"Next question." 

CJ met him for lunch after swimming 30 laps at the gym. Her hair, still damp, was pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed casually in linen Capri pants, an army green tank top, and Prada slip-on sandals. Her makeup was the fresh look and Greg thought she looked amazing. He was tempted to ask if she ever had any work done, nothing major, just eye and forehead stuff but thought better of it. Women never answered those kinds of questions. 

"Here is another question. How the hell do you stay so beautiful?" 

"Botox." CJ replied. 

"Really?" 

"No." CJ laughed. "You think I've had surgery." 

"Well, no. But you do look fucking amazing." 

"Between you and me I did get a little work done. Doesn't everyone? Where, I am so not telling you. If that finds its way into my memoir you will be singing in the Vienna Boys Choir." 

"I won't tell a soul-a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. We would all do better not to ask questions. So, the memoir." 

"Yes." CJ lit a cigarette as the server arrived with her diet Dr. Pepper and crispy chicken salad. Greg had ordered a corn beef special. They were sitting at an outdoor cafi on Bleecker. "Tell me what you're looking for." 

"I think we should definitely start at the White House and move from there. The first chapter should have Toby coming to get you from LA. You falling into that pool is classic. Chapter 2 should be a bit of a history. Life in Dayton, your family, maybe an old boyfriend or something." 

"Mmm hmm. Are you going to interview people?" 

"That's what I'm good at. I want to talk to Kate Ritter, and Mike Kerrigan. Is everyone still with us?" 

"Yes. Kate and Mike are, and most of the people I was close to in college. I don't want to go back too far and you know that Greg. I would prefer not to talk too much about my mother and her death. And my father's illness is still a touchy subject for me too." 

"I understand, and it will be handled delicately. I don't want to write anything that upsets you. This is your story, told the way you want it told." 

CJ nodded. She put her cigarette out and poured honey mustard on her salad. 

"So tell me what's happening with you and Daniel." 

"Will you ever stop being a reporter Gregory? Since when are you not able to understand that I am not talking about it. People must tell you that all the time." 

"You just told me that, before it was next question'. I am coming to you as a friend and you know it. What's the matter sweetheart?" 

"Its cute you know, when you call me sweetheart. Why aren't we dating?" 

"Because you are living with Danny and struggling to forget about your late husband." 

"Greg!" 

"You asked. You know that I am still madly in love with you, but between the two men you are juggling right now, I would not stand a chance. Call me when one of them goes overboard." 

"Shut up." 

She ate her lunch quietly, thinking about what he just said. How had she not figured out he had feelings for her? Man, she was truly losing her touch. She would have to consult Nora and Donna on that one. 

***

CJ met Tim and Stephen at their loft in Tribeca for dinner on Tuesday night. It had been over two weeks since she'd seen her boys and she missed them. She arrived on their doorstep with a bottle of Beau Jolais and Italian bread. 

"Hey mom." 

Stephen opened the door, kissing CJ's cheek. 

"Hey. You look fantastic. Are you working out?" 

"I try to go to the gym at least three times a week. It's hard when you work 60 to 70 hours a week; that's why I quit my job." 

"Excuse me?" she put the wine and bread on the counter and looked around. "Where is Timothy? Why did you quit your job?" 

"God, the law was so stifling. Here, let me open the wine." 

"Yes please." 

CJ leaned against the counter, tapping her foot to Babyface as he played on the stereo. 

"I was just working too much and I started to think about what the hell I was working toward. Just a partnership that would mean even less time with Tim. We were hardly seeing each other as is and it put a strain on our relationship. I love Tim more than the law." 

"So what are you going to do?" CJ asked, accepting the glass of wine. 

"Starting in September I will be teaching AP government and history courses at Martin Luther King Charter High School in Brooklyn. I have been certified to teach for almost four years. I knew I would fall back on it eventually." 

"Is mom here?" Tim called out from the bedroom. 

"Yes I am. Timothy Samuel McGarry, get out here." 

"Stephen." He whined. "You told me you would not tell her until we were together." 

Tim came into the kitchen and kissed his mother. He took the glass of wine Stephen handed him. 

"She asked baby." 

"How does one ask something like that?" 

"I don't know but your mother has this uncanny ability." 

"Hey boys, I am still in the room. What's going on?" 

"We are both leaving the law." Tim said as Stephen went to set the table. "I don't think the long hours are good for us as a couple and I honestly don't find joy in it anymore. We want to start our family soon and it would be impossible under those circumstances." 

"What will you do?" 

Tim decided to go back to school and get his Masters and possibly his doctorate in special education. He wanted to study and help children with diseases like autism and Downs syndrome. 

"At the end of the day mom, I will be much happier. Our family will be." 

"Of course I will support the both of you." CJ said. 

"Thanks." Stephen replied. "Let's sit down and eat." 

Stephen made spaghetti and it was delicious as usual. They talked about where CJ wanted to take her summer vacation this year and the fact that she would definitely do the memoir with Greg-it was time to record it before her mind forgot. 

"Is Danny going to help?" Tim asked. 

"No. Just Greg and I. Danny is busy at CNN." 

"Is everything alright at home?" Stephen asked. 

"I honestly don't know. Danny and I are-we're at a crossroad." 

"What does that mean?" Tim asked. 

"I don't know. He wants to get married." 

"Has he proposed? Oh mom, that's wonderful." 

"Hold your horses. He only proposed in theory, and I do not think that's something we need to do." 

"Why not?" Stephen asked. 

"OK, OK, I came over here to get away from whatever problems may or may not be plaguing me right now. Whatever is happening with Danny and I is not worth discussing right now. Shouldn't we be talking about your 30th birthday? It's in 2 weeks." 

"We want to mark it quietly." Tim replied. "Just a dinner and some cake. Seriously mom, you know I don't need all the craziness. Other things are happening right now." 

***

"I found a nice apartment. It's not too far from here." 

CJ sat on the couch writing. She was listening to the rainfall and petting Winston. Over the past year the terrier had become her friend again. Anita Baker sang _Just Because_ from the stereo. It had been a week since she had dinner with Tim, nearly four since the morning conversation in Danny's bed. June was in full bloom. 

"That was fast, but I guess the market is booming. If this is what you want Danny I will not stop you. I can help you pack if you'd like. Did you sign the lease?" 

"This is not what I want." He replied. 

"Then why are you doing it?" 

She leaned forward to light her cigarette. 

"It's stifling here!" he exclaimed. "You can't even see it! You are so busy living in your cloistered little world and it does not seem to bother you. You don't even care that I am on the outside looking in." 

"What are you talking about? None of that is true. I love you and-" 

"Bullshit CJ! You-" 

"Don't cut me off." She stood up from the couch. "You spoke your piece now let me speak mine." 

"Fine." 

He surrendered the floor, walking away from her. 

"If you are stifled here Danny then I think moving will be good for you. I also happen to believe it will hurt our relationship much more than it will help. You don't see it that way and you really need to do what's good for you." 

"I refuse to take a piece of you CJ. It is all or nothing. You're not over Leo; you will never be over Leo. I won't be the second string quarterback!" 

"You're not!" she shouted back. Taking a deep breath, she checked herself. "You know what, no matter what I say this is going to end in a blowout. Sign your lease, pack your things, and just leave. I will not defend loving my husband for another instant. This is me Danny-this is what you get. I still have hurdles to climb and some I will never get over but that is just the way it is. I don't know what else to say. If you want to break up with me, do it. But you don't you dare move out and continue some sham relationship because you don't have the guts to do what you need to do." 

"Guts? You want to talk about guts. He's dead CJ! He is not coming back for his suit jacket or his buttermilk. Three years and you still buy fucking buttermilk! You don't want me in that bed because you don't want me to smell the Drakkar Noir you spray on the sheets and pillows. I fit nowhere in your widowed life and you know it. There are still plenty of men who won't mind being your sex toy while your heart still longs for Leo-I'm not one of them." 

"Then I guess there is nothing left to discuss. I really would prefer if you did not stay here tonight. I just-I'm not in the mood to have this conversation five more times before sunrise." 

Danny nodded, watching as she put out a cigarette she hardly smoked. She sat back on the couch and went back to her notebook. The tears stung and CJ clutched her stomach and began to sob. Winston climbed into her lap and she held her dog close. For all she knew this was the right thing to do. That didn't make the pain and heartache any less real. 

***

Later that night CJ went old school in her eating habits. She ordered a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a double chocolate milkshake. She had no idea if she would be able to finish the food but she would do her best. She spoke to Charlie, who had given her first novel to her editor this morning. Leah babbled to her over the phone and then Charlie talked about how much she missed Brendan. He was doing five shows on the west coast promoting his second album, _Subway Songs_. He was a great singer-songwriter and CJ said a prayer every night that he would make it-those songs he wrote could reach so many people. 

She sat on the couch stuffing herself silly while watching _Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights_. Winston was nearby, munching on a French fry she had given him. When the key turned in the lock she looked up. Danny was back; he realized he was wrong. Well, she had been the one who kicked him out. But that was only after he declared he was leaving anyway. _Don't second guess yourself Claudia Jean_ , she said to herself, _you did what you had to._

"Hey CJ! Are you here?" 

"Tobus? I'm in the living room." 

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" 

He shook out his umbrella placing it in the foyer stand before coming into the living room. 

"Its still raining cats and dogs out there." He said. "I hate when it comes out of nowhere." 

"Nowhere? It has been in the forecast since the weekend. Sit down, are you hungry?" 

"I could eat. What do you have? Damn woman that is a lot of food. Where is Danny? Did he have to work late?" Toby groaned as he sat. "My fucking muscles are killing me. I should've have known it was going to rain." 

"I want to know what you're doing in Manhattan at this hour." 

"My NYU lecture was tonight. On troubles in former Baltic states since the end of the Cold War. I figured I would swing by and see you. I miss you." 

"I kicked Danny out." She replied. 

"What? Oh lord, what happened?" 

"He was going to leave anyway-told me he found a nice apartment close by." 

"So you thought to push him along? I knew you two were, whatever, but I didn't see this coming." 

"He wants me to be something I can't be Toby." 

"What?" Toby asked. 

"CJ Cregg. I was married to Leo for almost 30 years and I loved him longer than that. We have two children and went to hell and back more times than I can count. It has been three years and that may seem like a long time from Danny's point of view, but its not. It just isn't. I wake up every morning missing him and I don't know if I will ever stop. 

"And maybe it is freakish and weird that I buy Drakkar Noir to spray my sheets and I still buy buttermilk that I will never drink, but I do dammit! I'm going out, seeing friends, living life and letting my hair down. I am doing all the things that Leo asked me to do. That does not mean that I'm ready to be serious with another person. Maybe I just pushed myself too hard." 

She looked at Toby and he nodded. 

"I think you are definitely right about the cologne and buttermilk thing being freakish and weird. But I still love you." 

"Thanks Tobus." She smirked. "As usual you are the voice of reason." 

"So, its over?" Toby split the burger in half, breaking off a small piece for the dog. 

"I think so. I'm not going to close myself off to Danny-I care about him. But I think he wants more than I can give. Hell, I don't know. He just left and I need to process what it all means." 

"Then we shall change the subject. How is Leah?" 

"My granddaughter is absolutely perfect. She is trying to walk and talk; looking just like her mother at that age. How are your grandkids?" 

28-year-old Nicky and his wife had twin boys and 26-year-old Julie and his wife had a daughter. Karenna, the baby at 24 did not have children but she would be married next summer. 

"We'll visit Julie and Amy in Boston sometime in August. I wish he lived closer-I hate traveling." 

"When you grumble you sound just like-" CJ stopped talking. 

"What?" 

"I was going to say Leo." 

"I figured. I deny that, by the way." 

"Mmm hmm." 

***

July was nearly over; CJ loved summer in Manhattan. The city smelled so fragrant as she walked through Central Park with Greg. In a week she, Nora, Donna, Daisy, and Carol would be spending 10 days in Paris. She had a condo there; CJ liked to be in that city when she needed to renew and spend massive amounts of money. She hadn't spoken to Danny since the night she kicked him out. He came to pack his things with Josh after he signed his lease but she heard from Hogan that he was living at the Excelsior Hotel at least until September when the renovations would be complete. She knew they would have to speak eventually; work something out. She would make it a top priority when she returned from Europe. 

"Penny for your thoughts." He said. 

CJ looked at him and smiled. 

"Would you believe me if I told you that my mind was completely empty?" 

"Hell no. You must at least be thinking about shoes. Isn't that what you women do?" 

"This is why your second wife left you isn't it?" CJ asked. 

He laughed, slipping his hand in hers. He checked to see if she was still smiling and to his immense pleasure she was. Lately they had been getting together under the guise of the memoir and would spend hours just talking. Greg did get some great things for the book but he really enjoyed the time with CJ. He enjoyed it more than he cared to admit. 

"So Gregory, is this how you charmed that former supermodel into marrying you?" 

"No. That was sexual prowess-pure and simple." 

"Is that why it only lasted six months?" 

Greg laughed. 

"Ooh Claudia Jean, you cut me deep on that one. I-" 

CJ shut him up with a soft kiss on the lips. Greg pulled away with a smile. 

"Feel free to shut me up whenever you want." 

"I will. What time is it? I'm meeting Nancy for a late lunch." 

"You are a busy woman." He looked at his watch. "Quarter to three." 

"We have to meet at four and Nancy is always punctual. Do you actually want to talk about the book now?" 

"While you are off basking in the Parisian sun I will be here working. I will see Kate Ritter, your brother Kevin, Leo's sister Elizabeth, and Mallory." 

"Yada, yada, yada. Wait, let me get my violin and play you a ditty." 

"Woman, you annoy the hell out of me. Will you have dinner with me when you get back?" 

"Yes." 

"Can I kiss you at the end of the evening?" 

"Yes." 

"Will you drag me back to your condo and make a man out of me?" he asked. 

"Oh yes. You have to see if all the rumors are true." 

"Exactly. You know I should be working right now. And you should be doing what retired women do. I don't want to go but I should." 

"OK. I'll call you." 

"Yeah you will. You can't resist me." He leaned to kiss her cheek, lingering to whisper in her ear. "Have a safe trip and a really good time." 

"I will. See you around Greg." 

She squeezed his hand, walking away. Why could she not contain her smile? Uh oh, she was definitely going to get herself in trouble. Who knew you could get yourself in trouble approaching 66? 

"Hey McGarry!" 

"What?" she turned around. 

"Bring me back something French would you? And I was only half joking about that dragging me back to your condo thing." 

She smiled, gave him the OK sign and kept walking out of the park. 

***


End file.
